(mis)leading

at any premarital counselling done through the church,
there will come a point in time in which,
-as per scripture- (eph 5; 1cor 11)
the man is mandated to become
the spiritual leader in his home.

it's a heavy instruction.
and is preloaded with so many implications.

if i sin, does it therefore make my wife a sinner?
if i doubt my faith, does it make her doubt too?
and if i simply cannot find the strength to be the leader
that she needs me to be,
have i not only let her down,
but god as well?

for whatever reason,
there is no husbandry 101 class to fill you in on these details.
somehow, it's assumed that- as a spiritual leader-
you'll just know.
maybe our shortcomings and lack of imparted wisdom
point to a bigger problem:
we don't know how to be real with one another;
we lack a language for our failed attempts.
we don't know how to create supportive connections.
perhaps we don't know how to let god
effectively lead us,
so that we may lead others.

maybe to become better leaders,
we must give a better shot at following.
because we owe it to ourselves, to one another, to god,
and maybe most importantly,
to her.